Change

Every second that we live things change. Change isn’t easy for everyone, I was fine with change until my brain injury. I didn’t understand those that didn’t adapt to change well until I was forced to live in difficult situations of change. I have one child that is like I used to be and goes with the flow. I have another child that doesn’t adapt well and I never understood this until now. We are just all different but made to enhance others.

Change is inevitable and we cannot make it easier for others to deal with or fix them; as much as we want to. I cannot make my children deal with things like I think they should. I can tell them it will work out all day long but until their relationship with Jesus flourishes will they see this for themselves. I can pray for them but I cannot change their hearts or their minds. That is the hardest thing for me, as a mom, because I want to make everything pleasurable for them and to help them see the beauty in everything. Every storm does have some beauty and after there is the rainbow. During these storms we tend to forget the happy times and focus on the rain dripping on us. Perhaps your storm has mud puddles you need to jump in instead of wanting to hover over them. We are called to live in the moment, praise Him in everything and we should. Is it hard? Well, absolutely!! I still get pissed at certain changes I can’t do anything about. I am a mere mortal… ugh, the heartache that comes with being human. I’ve wanted to be a bird so I could fly. I’ve wanted to be a lawnmower so I could clip things that needed cut. (Change people and prune their ugly) We think if we can change the things around us that we can make it all better. That is quite laughable in this season! Why? Because it took me my entire life to realize I cannot change anyone but me! I know who I want and who I don’t want to be around. Separating myself from those that grate my last nerve is hard! Removing family, friends and people I thought loved me is never an easy decision but it can be the best one we ever make.

Change. Change is hard! I have examined my heart over 2019 and changed what I didn’t like about myself. I am no longer broken by life or by brain injury. I only have God to thank! My healing is because of my faith and it not wavering. Do I still have days I want to curl up in my bed and not deal with life? You betcha! Do I? Well, to be honest… yes! I am human! To my own detriment I am human … lol. If you have seen the bodies we get when we die and how much it can do you wouldn’t really want to be a mere mortal either. Just because I want my new body doesn’t mean I don’t love the one I have now. Please, don’t ever read too much into what I say like that. When I talk about death it doesn’t necessarily mean I want to leave my family through death but that I am Himsick. We live in a generation that likes to add or take away from things and you can’t do that in my writing, or my speaking for that matter. I am a pretty literal person and I wasn’t until I died. I didn’t see things in black and white but instead with vibrant colors and what it could be. Don’t get me wrong, I can still see things in a ton of different perspectives and I am open to change but it has taken me seven years to get here. I was put in so many situations, in TBI land, that it opened my eyes to a world I didn’t even know existed. I see and believe in so many things I never did before. Angels? Yes, I believed God has His angels. Did I really believe that when we quoted scripture we activated our own angels? Nope! Not until I saw them. It is true that one person can put angels into flight… don’t you want your angels? Don’t you want them around you? Trust me when I say they help with your battles. God has helpers and you are one of them too.

He needs help here amongst the dead. We are to show them how to live in Christ. It is true that we are dead until we know Him. I know I was so I can tell you the difference. I have been in hell, been put through hell and I know how to beat hell! Hell is your absence of God. Sounds simple, huh? The cure is simplistic but at the same time daunting bc they make it so much harder than it has to be. I, too, am a stupid human and there is much I don’t understand but I know who created everything and everyone. He is not hard to love or get to know. Just because I can’t change things around me doesn’t mean I can’t fix things. I can fix anything but people. Duct tape works wonders 😏. Well, it does and it can fix almost anything. Unfortunately, I can’t put duct tape over folks mouths. I sure wish I could though! I wish I could make people understand what 2020 means and how we really feel is coming out of our mouths. If you don’t want to be around someone bc of their actions you’re about to tell them… does it come out harsh, brash or with kindness? That is up to you and the change you allow to take place in your heart. Only God can accomplish this change! Once it is set in motion and things start to come to light from your past you must deal with them and heal your heart. I cant be responsible for your change or how you handle it I was just sent back to help you get through it. Am I glad to be back here? Yes! Every day I get to live is a blessing. Every chance I get to write here is a great day! This is the day the Lord has made let us rejoice and be glad in it. Praise Him in your storms bc all storms eventually run out of rain. Does that make it easier to deal with everything put in your life? Perhaps but realistically we decide how to deal with change because everything comes with a choice.

How we evolve and adapt to change is on us. I move forward even when I don’t want to but I now know Christ is on the inside of me helping me. The Holy Spirit was sent to help us. We are His vessel! This was so hard for me to understand or feel until I met Jesus and experienced the Holy Spirit.

He is my comfort. He is my love. He is my vision. He is my joy. He is my hugs when I cry. He is my laughter when I want to be mad. He is my world but I have to renew this daily. Every relationship we have has to be kept up and in check. He is no different. Writing about Him helps me work on this relationship because I see in black and white (some peoples only means of logic) what He has done and what He does every day for and with me. This writing through me has been going on all year but it took me like 8 months to figure it out… see, stupid human mortal here. Why would it ever take an intelligent person, and I believe I am intelligent, 8 months to be dumbed down by God? To figure out the Holy Spirit is writing through me. I understand what Paul meant about the Bible being God breathed. Straight up all I wanted to do was write and spend time with God. I was missing life that He gave back. I have to teach bc it keeps me social because, for real, I would be a recluse. I have stuff written down that concerns politics and I don’t even follow them anymore bc it was making me so angry I didn’t know how to channel it. Y’all, the United States is in trouble and God is not too happy w us. This climate change stuff makes me laugh… um, did y’all forget who made this earth? He controls the weather… do y’all not study bible prophecy? Y’all better get ready bc we are in for an awakening. That is kinda scary; I have writings with other countries involved. I think we may be coming in to our end times. God can lift the dead and He is the only one that does this. Apparently this will mean something bc God wants us to know when we see this the revival is here. God is gonna lift the dead here in America. This could be a literal resurrection of the dead or a resurrection of the church – I’m not sure that He isn’t gonna do both. Do you know each day He doesn’t come back is for you to help gain more souls for the Kingdom? We really gotta get busy if we don’t want to see folks in hell. I went to hell when I died and there are others that have been there too!! It is real and I don’t want anyone to ever see those gates again!

This takes so much it’s like a whole job lol. I study all day and fight satans relentless attacks. I finally learned how to discern the spirits in August. I know who the liar is and so do you. Every time you hear anything inside you about not loving yourself, anxiety, depression, you aren’t good enough it’s satan and his attack. Send him back to hell and get him out of your house!! He must get back and get down beneath my feet! He will get out of my families houses!! He will get out of my country and our leaders. Every spirit not of God will detach from my people.

God is who puts people where they need to be. He is the maker of kings and all leaders. We are in His way and He is mad at the USA. Look at all this crazy in our borders that should have never been here. Everyone that is flirting w Stan is ok with all of this. Once you get satan completely out of your life and kill your flesh you see it’s all in shambles. I didn’t know how bad until God showed me. It doesn’t have to do w a political party this has to do w people leaving their first love. He is supposed to be our first love- this is like the letter to the Laodecians (something like that) – I think it’s something like that. It is in Revelation in the letters to the churches.

Ok, let’s work through some of this over the next few weeks. It usually takes me a few weeks to figure out what He means. I gotta go study so I can teach it. This is so weird to me and idk when I’ll honestly get to this bc it does scare me but I gotta quit that bc we need to know what to do and how to survive it.

This is gonna have to do w predictions in the future and it scares me. I’m gonna need some people lifting me up in prayers, please. I had no idea this was what change was going to be like when I started this today. He has been doing this for months, if you’ve been following this on Facebook you’ve watched it, and I always quit right here and work on something else. This is why I quit dancing. I started to see the future and I guess it wasn’t what I thought it should be or what I wanted so I quit wanting to see. He laid me down the other day to show me, I will hurt in my legs, my thorn, to make me be still and shut up. God cracks me up how He has all control over me. I really love it but it makes me look insane lmbo. I am a sinner that is saved by a ton of His grace! This is living and I’m gonna get to predict the future and send millions to Him. This is really a privilege and I thank Him so eagerly and w earnest humility bc I am so not worthy. I was a wretched person but everything I survived made me me! It makes you you too. Don’t ever be sorry for your past or your mistakes bc someone out there needs you and your story of survival to get to their own. We are social creatures by nature and we need that interaction. We often times choose toxic people on our quest for self love and an identify. You can find every ounce of those in Jesus. And, we are supposed to. He is supposed to be the relationship we work on first and the most. How can you be a good parent without God? You can’t bc you raise hellions nobody wants to be around. You have to keep the demons off your kids and that takes prayer. Those spirits are whispering in their ears too- look at these teens dying of suicide. It’s heartbreaking! We shouldn’t even have this kind of crazy here in the USA but we are breeding it so everyone can fall in line. I believe we are a modern day Babylon and it will fall! A house divided will not stated. A house without God is built on sand. Do you know that in the biblical and literal sense? God is a pretty literal person. If you build your house on sand it sinks. I’ve had a house sink that was built upon sand, literally. It had a slope in it so bad the bathtub wouldn’t drain unless you moved the water to the drain side of it; the water pooled. I try to make everything easy to understand but if you don’t get it please contact me bc it may be something I need to see again. There are many things I miss bc I pray to know everything I forgot and wise beyond all wisdom. The wisdom I am gaining more of my memories back not so much. I think it is because I’ve prayed to just let go and it’s all ok that I can’t remember. I can remember everything from when He woke me up to today in great detail. I know everything and why it all happened but I’m ok without seeing it again. We always remember the bad bc it takes so much longer for us to process. Processing things time time and over that time we can see things differently or badly. I choose to see them differently and through another lens than mine natural eyes.

There are things I get so mad about but to hear another person harp on it I can only laugh. I see how stupid I sounded before I took it all to God. If you aren’t praying about it you shouldn’t be talking about it. I see all these people talking bad about our Prez and that let’s me know they aren’t praying for him. You can’t stay mad at them or God if you’re praying!! Give Him 30 days to fix you, heal you, love you back to life, and allow Him to give you your get out of hell free card. I can’t say it won’t be a tough process but maybe you weren’t as bad as me and it’ll be easy for you. If you are embarrassed or regret some of your past just deal with it when God sticks that vision of that memory in your head. Once you deal with it and can talk about it without losing your shit you are healed from it. And Satan cannot use it against you anymore. Get the spirit of shame off of you once and for all.

He is still delivering me from me every day of my life. I praise Him! He saved me, someone like me. If He can do it for me He can change anyone and He wants to. The first thing you gotta do is pray. Accept Him and then get in His Word.

If you think you can live by those 2 commandments and not sin you are crazy!! It’s impossible not to sin and some of us need laws. We need structure ! If you love others as you love yourself you are not gonna kill them bc you, in fact, do not want to die. We are to love God more than we love ourselves but people don’t. They are full of themselves, look at this selfie world we live in. I’m not picking on anyone here, especially the ones they take 5000 pics for the attention it lends them. Why do you need anyone else’s approval ? You are beautiful !! Own who you are through Christ and stop letting the world dictate your self worth.

Yep, I know this blog has went all over the place but if you don’t think this is change for me …. you haven’t been paying attention! Change can be good! Sometimes the trash takes out itself and we become free of havoc. Rejection is God’s protection! Let it go! Let them go! Rest in the love of Jesus Christ. His love is perfection and like living in your own zip code. I want my own zip code based on my bday. That is love and I bet someone’s zip code is based on someone elses birthday. It’s just the coolest gesture that could be accomplished. I would take my own ranch w a log cabin and a lake as my zip code lol. A few hands that are paid generously and they are all TBI survivors that love the work and Christ. They were saved and left behind to tell their story. I dont care how good neuro medicine is getting- most places do not have docs that just perform brain surgery on everyone. And people w multiple brain bleeds die! Or they are vegetables for the rest of their lives. God sent us all back and has a mission for all of His kids. These kids are different though and it’s because people think they are dumb bc they have brain damage but you better believe they aren’t. God can wake everyone up that is sleeping. Wake up and get in the Word of God. Find a Bible you can understand. Borrow it, download it, have someone read it to you – go to church!! Even if you don’t need to be taught every little thing you do need to hear it in a different perspective! We all need Bible college with Jesus the first teacher but we also need it from His teachers on earth. Everything is a choice and everything we do is a choice. If you call me to vent I’m gonna vent w ya …. I used to but now nothing bothers me or you’d never see it. I haven’t taken everything that could ever get under my skin and prayed for it and prayed for it to not shake me. This change has taken years to be answered and He is still molding me. We are all a work in progress. God works on His time not ours. Some of what happens to us for for the betterment of mankind so we just gotta suck it up.

I have been wrestling with God about this post for 2 hours. I am not going back up and reading all of this to correct it. I am not perfect. I make grammatical errors and I stick my foot in my mouth. I am posting this bc I don’t feel good and I really want to just take a good nap. Enjoy your day and may God bless you tremendously.