Wrecked in love…

The love of God and to God should come so easily to all of us but I will be the first to admit that this is not always the case. It is a learned experience… it just is especially to us dumb humans. If you really think about God it is hard to come to terms with loving someone you cannot always see. Someone you cannot always feel and you often wonder if He left you. I know I have been there. I have been there many times in my life and have learned numerous lessons because of this and I hope that everyone can learn from me. Please learn from me.

I have learned that my problem with food stemmed from what God wants me to talk about and speak out upon. I never chose to be a hell, fire and brimstone speaker. Who wants them? Not me! I will be honest because nobody wants to talk about the reality of hell or what will send you there. I can feel the choke in my throat because if I do not do this who will? Who can tell you better how to stay outta there than someone who has been there? Would I have stayed in hell for eternity had it not been my time to die… yes! That is what pains me to no extent because I was not the worst one of what my tribe looks like. We all have hidden sins that must be exposed inside of us that we have to move away from. We MUST!! We must know that God is love and we love Him because He loved us first. Most of us are parents and we know that love of our children. God has that same love for us! We loved our children from the moment that pregnancy test was positive no matter what the circumstances we loved them. That is how God loves us and it is a beautiful love. We must never forget our first love because when we do He will spit us out of His mouth. It is better to not know God at all than to be like warm coffee that goes down the sink drain.

It is time our world know the truth and that is if we do not clean up our acts there will be more people in hell than in heaven. I did not come back to tell people they were going to hell because I hate hearing that but I did come back in order to tell everyone how to keep their butts outta there. There are many laws and many sins! If we do not ask for forgiveness what does He have to forgive? If we do not move away from our favorite hidden sins we have not repented. If we do not treat people as we want to be treated we are breaking a commandment. Do we always treat others as we want to be treated? NOPE! I get mad and want to go stab someone’s eyeballs out.. I do not want my eyeballs stabbed out so I have to pray and pray hard for God to take over because my flesh is seriously weak. Being in constant communication with God is what has saved a lot of lives. I tell people all the time I could have been a serial killer and I am not even kidding. I hated people and I know now that I cannot hate anyone, not even those that piss me off to extremes that I need to pray for their lives. It is impossible to continue to hate someone you are praying for and the Bible says if you pray for your enemies you are pouring hot coals on their heads!! That verse made me start praying for everyone. I really had a mean spirit attached to me. God has really changed me and removed the world from who I am now. It still amazes me at what God can get accomplished when we allow Him to move. I was trouble and dancing on bars, smoking and drinking, wanting to kill folks and He did all of this to me so nobody can ever tell me that God cannot do it to them.

Learning who God is and grasping the concept of what Jesus did for us is learning what love truly is. I have always loved the Lord but I will be 100 with everyone I never loved like I love Him today. I do totally put God first and He is the first thing that crosses my mind in the morning and the last thing that crosses it before bed. He is my first, my middle and my last. I have learned how to speak to Him without ceasing and He is my BFF! Did I know all of this was possible? Absolutely not! I have always been an extrovert and thought I needed people around me constantly but God has changed that as well. I need people and I love everyone do not mistake my words but I have learned that I really love Jesus more than anyone. I came back from death like this but, again, lost this love and feeling because the world will make your heart hard. Having a pure heart for God is some serious hard work. God had to remove people that constantly hurt me, tried to keep me in my past, held things over my head, reminded me of who I used to be and those that refused to get to know the new and improved me. I had to ask Him to get rid of them though. I had to ask, beg really, to bring me back to the person I was when I escaped death and totally fell in love with Him. I had to return to being that person that remembered and clung to every word He spoke to me. I had to get back as one with the Holy Spirit.. do you realize that the Holy Spirit living inside of you is God? It is Jesus, God, which is spirit – His spirit living in you!! The God-head lives inside of me, does He live in you? It took me a bit to come to terms with this too.. why would God ever come live in someone like me? Because of His love for His children. If you love anyone you have an innate love for God when you do not even know it. We were born to love not hate others. Is it always easy to love those difficult folks? Oh, heck no! I will not ever lie about any of this and the fact that none of it is easy but nothing worth having has ever come easy to me. I have had to work for everything I have ever had and I do not mind working on my relationship with Jesus. He doe not owe me anything but I owe Him everything.

His love will wreck you! He is a wrecking ball to sin. He is a love that permeates your entire being. A love that is incomprehensible without Him living inside of you. I thank Him for wrecking me in His love. I thank Him for every experience I had to walk through, even hell, because it has made me who I am. I was born to walk through that fire. I am a very bold person with a testament of hell… I had to ask for that bold spirit back because TBI totally destroyed all of me. I learned so much about the hate in our world. I had some things said to me that nobody deserves no matter what they have done in their life. I learned how to treat people how I want to be treated and saw that verse come alive. I had someone tell me that I should have stayed dead that the world would be a better place without me. I was called an embarrassment and saw people enjoyed causing strife in the lives of others. These people have demonic spirits lingering, an un-forgiving spirit for one, and need to cast them out of them. Some of these spirits live on the inside of us and I know that because I have experienced them, and not just speaking in our ears. People have no idea what satan is capable of to enlist folks into his army. I have worked for him so I can tell when others are. It breaks my heart and it used to infuriate me at those people but now I know I can only pray for their deliverance. In order to get delivered by God someone has to ask because He is a total gentleman and will not go where He is not wanted. So many think they are saved forever but they treat His children badly and are happy about what they have done- this is a common distraction from Satan. Why people do not understand or try to know their enemy is beyond me. I would want to know if I was gonna bust hell wide open on a slip and slide. I have heard hell sermons before but they were based on the opinion of the pastor speaking them. I was told I was going to hell for not wearing a dress to church and for having an abortion.. those were not the reasons I went to hell. Jesus does not have a dress code as long as we bring our best to Him! He is also a very forgiving person when we are truly sorry and repent for our sins. I have no opinions left, well, I do, but I cannot share them. I can only tell about crap I have done and how He saved me. I can only speak what He allows because I am not going back to hell for nothing or anybody! Believe that! Hell scared all of the hell right outta me!

We speak so much about Jesus and His death we have forgotten what that means and its significance. I have witness this and been guilty of it. We completely forget the impact His death should have. We have forgotten that not only did He die for us but He was killed INSTEAD OF US! The one on that cross should have been all of us – for the wage of sin IS death. Historians of that era say Jesus Christ’s body was so damaged He was literally unrecognizable. Ever been to a crime scene or seen photos of decayed bodies where dental records had to be used to identify them? This was our God! His flesh was like that of hamburger meat. When He left the whipping post He was so damaged and disfigured. Have you ever died? If so would you die for the entire world? Would you go through all of that for people you do not even know? Would you want to relive it over and over again? Can you now, maybe, catch the impact of what He did for us?! He should have never been the one up there but it was us that belonged there for all of our sins but especially those that we keep hidden in our hearts. Those hidden sins will send many to hell because they have completely forgotten who God is, or they think it is all a joke. Hell is not a joke. Hell is not here on earth as so many tend to believe but it is a literal place where evil lives in the walls. Please know that Jesus does not want anyone in hell. He does not send us there but we send ourselves there because we do not pay attention to His Word. We do not catch the literalness of His meaning behind His Words. Do you realize satan has so much evil that he has not even released into our world, yet? We think it is bad now and so many think this is the end but he has not even gotten started good yet. This is nothing as what is to come. It is nothing to come for those that will not escape his trenches and land in hell. People need to remember who they are in and through Christ and allow God to live on the inside of them because that is the true ONLY way to escape hell. This truly gave me some PTSD, just the screams of people that are already there. Our family members that chose not to accept Jesus and turn from their sins very well could be of those screams- if that does not affect you nothing I say ever will. If you could hear those screams and the laughs of the demons causing those screams because of their torture… I never want another soul to hear what I did. It is all there, know that!

It is not easy to move away from those favorite sins but it is more than possible with Jesus. I have had to move away from every substance in this world and that was not easy. I have come to see that speaking out about all of this is what caused me to eat my feelings. I am over that but it took deliverance on God’s part to move me away from it because it is easier to eat than talk about hell. It is easier to grab the jar of peanut butter than to tell folks hell is real. It is easier to sit out on the porch with coffee and cigs than to write in this blog. All the sins are easier. It is easier to get stoned out of my mind to escape the screams I can sometimes hear in the background. I know! Trust me I know … but with Jesus we are all dressed in white and cleansed of our sins. He brings us back to righteousness! He makes us pure as new fallen snow that allows us into the throne room of God. He prays for us. He laid down His life for you… what more will it take? I cannot change everyone’s mind but your blood will not be on my hands. I can and hopefully will make you think though.

Father, thank You for letting us come before You. Thank You for Your never ending love and that nothing we do can remove that love from us. Thank You for holding us closely to You. Thank You for Your deliverance from the valley. Thank You for dressing us in white, it is priceless. Thank Your for Your blood, Your mercy, Your grace and thank You for dying in my place. Thank You for Your instruction and Your reckless love. You do not wreck us but we wreck ourselves and You come in to clean up our messes and we praise You for this. Thank You! We could never thank You enough. We can never understand our errors and we need You to cleanse us of our secret faults. Keep us from our presumptive sins, and let them not ever have dominion over us. That we may be blameless in Your sight and we may be innocent of transgressions. Forgive us for our sins, _____ (name them) and move us away from anything that hinders our relationship with You. We need You and we know that. We can never live anything of You on our own and we need You to take over and live through us. Let the words of our mouths and the meditations of our hearts be acceptable in Your sight. O Lord, you are our strength and our redeemer. Thank You! We ask that Your message be known to those that need it and grab the hearts of the lost, Lord, and bring them back to You and Your will for them. Remove all demonic forces in and around us. We cancel any plots, plans, and schemes devised by the enemy to come against us and Your children Father. Wrap Your arms around our country and hold it with Your steadfast love. Comfort us as only You can. Teach us to do marvelous things since we understand You live inside of us. Allow us to move only with You. Cleanse us and make us righteous in Your sight. We love You! In Jesus name we pray and we seal this prayer in Your precious name- Amen