Things are happening that I see around me and inside me that are just weird for a lack of better words. Wake and dream life are like merging. I have no other way to really explain this. There have been many times that I have asked myself “is this even real?” “Is this really happening?” I cannot be the only one. And, if this wasn’t crazy enough I have caught feelings for someone I do not even know. Has God told you who your spouse is? Do you find yourself missing and falling in love with someone you do not even really know? To me this is INSANE! Like, how does this even happen? God is crazy!
I have known who God has ordained for me to marry since OCT 2019. When He told me I was married I immediately became married to Holy Spirit and He was molding me. I initially laughed, I will be honest because of who this person is. We know each other and have for about 11 years. we have been in a relationship before and under unusually circumstances. If I hadn’t of been a troll we would probably already be married. I was hell on wheels and what God has done is astounding. Anyway, i laughed because of this and the fact he is from my past. God told me, “ I will show you.” I said, “this I gotta see.” Then, this person called me. Yes, we have been in touch but that wasn’t really unusual every time he was hitting a rough patch he would contact me, like a safety net or something. I am not sure but these short catch up conversations never went anywhere. We never met up until Sept 2020. I have not told this person that God told me anything about us. I am totally watching God do this and I will not put my hand in it. So, I hung out with this man and discerned his heart for eight days. Eight is the number for new beginnings and I really thought the promise was there but then we went back into this separation phase with zero communication. Dec 2020 I saw this person again, nothing again, everything came to a quick halt and I questioned if I even heard God right at this point. God keeps talking to me about this person but I kept my guard up so I didnt break my own heart if I by any chance missed this. I know I didnt miss it and I know in its correct season it will happen and from what God has said this is any day now. if you’re in the wait too it is any day if you know who it is. Back to my story, in Feb i talked to hi. Learned a lot and got to see how the heart healing was coming along on him. Maybe this is the only reason he called.. I hav zero ideas haha. And after Feb nada. Not a text not nothing. This was aggravate the fire out of me before God changed me. I think we both ran. I know I did! This freaked me out. Me and Jesus are in a superb place and the last think I even wanted to deal with was how to allow someone in on that. I told him this when we met in Dec ‘20. He was scared too because I was honest with him. During these stints of visits we talked about the future. we talked about getting married. We talked about Jesus. we talked about our past hurts. We got to know each other on a different level than before and I enjoyed that. This also let me know how to pray for him. What to be specific about. Now, we are in May and nothing again! Did doubt ty and hit me? yep! 1000%! I wanted to question myself if I missed it again and God quickly told me that I did not and would not miss my mark because my eyes are fixed on HIm. I did not ask for this. this is a gift from God and I will accept this gift with certainty. I was totally freaking out about this. being in a relationship, married, ministry.. all of it but yall, I am here to tell ya the feasts of the Lord are pure power! There are promises that come with participating in the feasts. And giving! You will never be able to out give God!
Some of me felt ghosted. Some of me got in my feelings and deleted this person off facebook… lmbo. I am still very much human. Ugh, it really Boggs me down at times.. that human stuff 🙂 but then God gave me the WOrd that came from Philemon and every time I get aggravated about this situation I just charge it to God and know that He will pay it back and He is good for it. I have ghosted people before but then grew up and would tell them how I felt. I was like Daddy, if he is gonna act like this I dont even want it. God laughed at me with this one and spoke to me in Philemon. then another part of me was terrified bc I have failed at marriage. Than I was told I didnt fail I was ill equipped. He built me for this and for so much more. I guess the purpose o this is to tell everyone that is waiting too that God is doing a great work in all of us and setting these up. Be patient and enjoy the rest of your time being single. When life changes it is going to be a suddenly of God and it is going to happen fast. God has prepared us for this so stop freaking out! he has got ya!!
God has told me that He has done the same things to my husband that He did in me. That this will be a Cinderella story and better than anything either of us have ever experienced. God has told me many things about this and other relationships, all the prophetic words about the marriages are up here in the blog. I was told to be transparent and to let someone know you are not alone.
Oh yall, I am working again. kinda like a glorified assistant haha but I get to travel and minister while gone. I watched Him heal back pain yesterday and I get to spend the day at the beach waiting on the auction. I travel with my employer and we were supposed to go to Nashville but I was like Daddy, I really want to go to the beach please. Guess what God did? He rerouted this entire business trip to the gulf coast! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!! I am so grateful! What’s even better about this is God told me last week that I was going to the beach but it wouldn’t look like what I expected. I was expecting Nashville and then SUDDENLY was turned south!
Be Still & Shut up 