I’ve been trying to keep everyone updated on this process and me coming out of this cave. I am out!! I am out of the cave and comfortable with this new person Jesus has created.

This week started out great. I went and looked at a house where I want to put my coffee bar. I am in love with the architecture and the location is just perfect. There could be a few downsides but I’m trying to put this into a different perspective. I get to redo the house the way I want it. It needs a whole lot of work but it will be beautiful. I have a contractor going back with me to let me know approximately what all we need to do to get it open. This is gonna be so much work but I’m about to jump and there ain’t no water in my pool. God will have to catch me!!

My cousin and I were headed to get lunch and the physical address of the house so I could do some research on it, when my best friend calls and I know something is wrong as soon as I hear “Mel,” she didn’t need to say much more but when she started talking I almost hit my knees. I had ran in dollar general for toilet paper. When she told me one of our kids shot themself I wanted to throw up. Our families have always been around each other. We’ve been friends for 33 years. My family is hers, hers is mine, hence our children. It took all the strength, courage, and pure determination I could muster to check out and get back to my truck. I was so sick and my energy was so jacked up my cousin was feeling my emotions.

I had been up at 0100 two days in a row being told to pray. I knew something was coming and that feeling of doom; I felt a few times but tried my best to shove it away. I warred bc of this feeling, I had no idea what was up. This I went in blind on, I had no advance notice. My heart sank, was broken and in pure dismay, for the other half of my family all in a matter of seconds.

I was really holding the faith, and praying he would make it. I wanted updates and they weren’t coming. I wanted to know about his brain. I had to send out a text for reinforcements. I never ask anyone for prayers but on this I had to have backup and cover. That was my prayer today, send someone to cover me Daddy, I’m at a loss. He did!! He sent me a bunch of love and help and I have a prayer warrior that locked herself up with Jesus for me and that is love! I love who He has put in my life to no limits! They are proof of His love!

The peace that walked back into my heart tonight is priceless. I allowed myself to feel all of this. I’ve walked in this nightmare before, 24 years ago, and it wasn’t any easier doing it again. This will never get easy!! Losing our loved ones is never easy, especially when they’re young. I know where Jake went and Who he is getting to hang out with. I know he has no more pain or feeling less than. He is surrounded by pure love and that gives me peace. Knowing his daddy here has peace sure gives me more of it as well. I was worried about my friends. I was worried about my family. I am not worried any longer, bc I see Jesus answering prayers concerning this situation and I praise Him for that!