My whole soul is tired. I am strong and I am tired! I’m sitting here crying bc I’ve had enough of this. I’ve had enough of being treated badly and people returning hate for my love. I can see Pslam 109 in my own life. I have come, I have seen, I have conquered myself, killed my flesh, withstood, long suffered and You promised!! You promised!! I need You to move or move me! I do not want to be here anymore. It’s bad today and I can feel the hatred towards me and how strong it is bc of money. It’s always money. I’m so very glad things didn’t work out the way I wanted them to. I’d live under a bride before I ever went back. People I thought were my friends are not my friends. They are so full of pride and I don’t fit in around here anymore. Idk if I’ll fit in anywhere. Hahah I don’t care. I actually like being by myself. Could You please send me a vehicle? A plane ticket? A husband? Do something! This is hell on earth and the hardest assignment and the toughest thing You could have ever lined up and You told me I passed and I need to go. I need to leave here.

Do not keep silent,
O God of my praise!
For the mouth of the wicked and the mouth of the deceitful
Have opened against me;
They have spoken against me with a lying tongue.
They have also surrounded me with words of hatred,
And fought against me without a cause.
In return for my love they are my accusers,
But I give myself to prayer.
Thus they have rewarded me evil for good,

I was yelled at and belittled for something I didn’t do today. I held my tongue and wasn’t mad, I knew. And I know when I leave I’ll be leaving quickly. You literally cannot do this fast enough! This entire year, so far, has been so much warfare I don’t know if I’m coming or going. You promised me sweatless victory and I wanna know where that is bc this has been a full on brawl.

And hatred for my love.
Set a wicked man over him,
And let an accuser stand at his right hand.
When he is judged, let him be found guilty,
And let his prayer become sin.
Let his days be few,
And let another take his office.
Let his children be fatherless,
And his wife a widow.
Let his children continually be vagabonds, and beg;
Let them seek their bread also from their desolate places.
Let the creditor seize all that he has,
And let strangers plunder his labor.

Let there be none to extend mercy to him,
Nor let there be any to favor his fatherless children.
Let his posterity be cut off,
And in the generation following let their name be blotted out.
Let the iniquity of his fathers be remembered before the LORD,
And let not the sin of his mother be blotted out.
Let them be continually before the LORD,
That He may cut off the memory of them from the earth;
Because he did not remember to show mercy,
But persecuted the poor and needy man,
That he might even slay the broken in heart.
As he loved cursing, so let it come to him;
As he did not delight in blessing, so let it be far from him.
As he clothed himself with cursing as with his garment,
So let it enter his body like water,
And like oil into his bones.
Let it be to him like the garment which covers him,
And for a belt with which he girds himself continually.
Let this be the LORD’s reward to my accusers,
And to those who speak evil against my person.
But You, O GOD the Lord,
Deal with me for Your name’s sake;
Because Your mercy is good, deliver me.
For I am poor and needy,
And my heart is wounded within me.
I am gone like a shadow when it lengthens;
I am shaken off like a locust.
My knees are weak through fasting,
And my flesh is feeble from lack of fatness.
I also have become a reproach to them;
When they look at me, they shake their heads.
Help me, O LORD my God!
Oh, save me according to Your mercy,
That they may know that this is Your hand—
That You, LORD, have done it!
Let them curse, but You bless;
When they arise, let them be ashamed,
But let Your servant rejoice.
Let my accusers be clothed with shame,
And let them cover themselves with their own disgrace as with a mantle.
I will greatly praise the LORD with my mouth;
Yes, I will praise Him among the multitude.
For He shall stand at the right hand of the poor,
To save him from those who condemn him.
Psalm 109

King David was a ruthless warrior, like literally. I’m a warrior in the spirit but not in the natural. Here I’m a lover and I don’t want to see people lose everything or their life. My heart is saddened by this. My heart has been saddened by much this year and we are only one and a half months in. I beg You for mercy and I beg You to move me before full vengeance happens. I don’t. I don’t want anyone to perish. I beg You to visit them Yeshsu. I beg You to go to them and give them a chance. My feelings are hurt. My feelings are so hurt. Someone was just mean to me and this person throws people away when they don’t get their way and I’m good. I see. I’m done!! Over it!! You do this and I’ll do that kind of situation. It was mean to me. If I don’t do this they won’t help someone else. And it was mean to the other person. It was just mean. I will not be manipulated!! I can’t be manipulated Holy Spirit won’t allow it. Reminds me of pharaoh and Daddy says let my people go! I should be excited bc I’m seeing scripture come to pass in my life for Daddy to go after my enemies, I always mean demons but He is taking this personal and He’s not playing when it comes to me, and I just prayed this last week and I know people are gonna perish and that doesn’t excite me. Kill their ego and pride and pull leviathan out of their lives and bring them back to You. They are Your kids. If this is a test of love I’m not amused. This hurts my heart! I beg You to show them mercy.

In March 2020 everything shut down. If this year is a replay of 2020 then what is gonna happen in March? I feel the shaking this month and we were shaken in 20 and this is so weird.