I will fight for you! I always do until my heart is black and blue. Acts 9:16 love suffers long. 1 Cor 13:4. I am love I have seen this is part of it. I got You! I see. My my my I see hahah You’re a trio and it really hurts my heart what You go through w us. Oh my God forgive us when we have rejected You! Only one when He was at the cross. I have one. I remember last year the marks coming up on my hands. I do remember writing it. Another Judas? No, he is not a Judas but he is a Peter. I can forgive a Peter. I have forgiven a Judas. They played their part in the contract and me knowing about that contract really made it easier to forgive. I Ain’t from this world. Going back to Eden isn’t gonna be easy and that brings me straight to You! I do love being a prisoner to love. Ephesians 4:1 you did say that I have suffered long enough and I sure praise You for thst!! Yes! I will forever tell You yes! I got feelings towards this. I was in love with this and now I don’t care. I can’t do it with him the way he was. You gotta seriously step in but be it unto me, Lord, as You have spoken. This is a sacrifice hahah I laugh but You know I’m not kidding.

I don’t want to lose my soul chasing things that don’t lead me straight to You. And these conditions are less than ideal and You know this too! I told You it was a short time… I’ve been hearing thst for 5 years. I’m good. I’m good, Sir.

Look the mosquitoes have to leave me alone and the air… seriously? Oh my goodness – not complaining but come on!! I’m good in all situations. I am but I was a bit spoiled and You know that too. This is like roughing again and You promised no more of this! You promised. You took me through all that Esther stuff and now this? What the heck – yes I’m irritated at You! You make me a queen and I’m treated like a peasant and it’s kinda crap but I see where you just went with that. You stripped yourself. I will too but somethings gotta break and quick. I will pay the electric bill while I’m here. I have to have ac. I was told money wasn’t an issue. You will replace everything I spend on this trip. I want to go home!! Whatever. I’m angry!! I was just fine!! This disrupted my whole life and I let it. I did what I was told and here I am.

I moved all my stuff to TN for TN to freak out! I jump on a plane for 2 weeks and then get a call being told my things are being packed and shipped. Yes. I’m pissed off! I’m mad that I even trusted that jackass. I’m mad at myself for trusting and I’m mad at You for telling me to trust him. I don’t and he will have to earn thst back. This is a horrible situation. Horrible. Thanks for showing me this and for removing it from me and perfecting a work You’ve started in me.

Last night a storm rolled in at about 6ish and lasted a lil while. The clouds were still heavy when the moon came out and I couldn’t see it. I walked downstairs to see if it was behind the building or on top of it, something, and no it was behind the clouds. I got so mad. My head was hurting and I was clearing anger and said idk what you are or why these clouds are covering the moon but move so I can see it. Whatever you are dissipate. When I got back upstairs and sat down the moon was looking at me.

I know You could make me (Philemon) but You don’t have to. I will stay the course … You better come on and do something!!

Hahah I feel like I’m the one in the valley of decisions. I closed the door to the past. Done! Closed! Locked! Covered in the blood! You slammed it. I have nothing to go back to and I am comfortable in the uncomfortable. Forgive me and I break the word curses. Forgive me. He’s a wonderful man after Your own heart.