I need You to come running for me. Yah runs one time in the Bible, towards the prodigal coming home. I’m not a prodigal, I have been but not anymore and I need You to run to me. I don’t know how much more I have in me. Something has to break. I’m worth more! I am a queen living in lo-debar. You owe me nothing, but I’d like to remind You that You promised. This was all done bc I followed You. I need You to rescue me!! I know to be patient and I have been. It’s been well over Your 90 days. You promised me 100 fold return, homes in this realm, family and the ability to help. I’ve been in hard core training for 6 years how much more do You think I need? I’m seriously irritated!! I have been packed for months ready to go and everything was packed Friday bc I felt like it was time and nothing. I’m so sick of hope deferred and You said no more delay. You said 3 days! Have I not shown You? I am seriously furious with You right now. I left $500 an hour and sold everything bc I love You and I feel so unloved right now. I know we have done You this way and I’ve felt that. I’m not You! I have done everything You’ve asked of me and tried to do more bc I know it needs done. I feel like when you go in asking for a raise and they don’t appreciate you so you want to walk out and not ever look back. Like quitting a job but I can’t and I can’t bc I love You. I’m mad at You right now tho! I do love You and I don’t like being mad at You. You’ve done so much for me and I owe You. I forgive You and thanks! This is a lot of conflicting emotions but I can’t even think quit. It’s not in me. I feel it and I banish it. I will never leave You or forsake You. I lay it down. I love You more than my life. I give it all to You! Idk what else I need to surrender, I heard that and idk what I have left!! I seriously don’t have anything else to give. I don’t have any doubt. I don’t have any fear. I don’t have any insecurities about any of this. I ask for You to show me and download the solution or just do it. You don’t even have to show me.

I saw myself pushing last night and everything felt like it was going wrong. I saw the doc walk in and I was begging just get it out. I can’t. Take it. Begging Daddy for a csrction. I went to sleep and have no idea what happened. I have been up since 2 and still nothing. I guess I had to get rid of the anger towards You. I do. I feel lied to. I don’t like that. I hate it actually. Forgive me. Forgive me for whining. I kinda feel like I can’t please You or anyone else. I feel forgotten. I need You to fill me up. You promised to give me the strength to continue, You promised! I’m tired. I’m gonna take a nap. Fix this while I sleep, please.

I can’t quit. I don’t have anything or anyone except You. You’re literally all I have and seriously I’m good with You but You promised me stability and family. I need that. And I know the planets are aligned in my favor so if there be anything in me I need to surrender I give it. I give You everything. Idk what else I need to hand over but it’s Yours. Show me. If you’re seeing if I’ll leave You, You know better. I still do everything You ask around anyone. I don’t hold back and I am here for You not me and You know it.

I do care. I care about everything. I want to fix everything and when others hurt I hurt. I don’t like seeing anyone in pain.

I’m going to take a nap. It’s 444 and I saw 222, 333, 432 and 321 and 411. Been seeing a lot of synchronicities like this. I know the time is now. I know this so what is the holdup? I’ve burnt everything I can think of and any mountain I’ve bull dozed down. What else is there? We even went up against some Egyptian gods in the spirit the other day in a sneak attack. I don’t know what else You want before You take me to so come comfort. I deserve comfort. I deserve a bed!! It does make me want to cry. I deserve a real bed. I’m tired of sleeping on a bean bag. I seriously do not know what else You want from me. I need to take a nap the more I think of this situation the madder I get and then I get sad bc I am so thankful and grateful to be here and I feel like a whiner and I don’t want to be and I don’t want to complain. You see this mess!! Fix it!! It’s sad. This just made my heart sad. She loves You and doesn’t feel You love her back. my feelings are hurt, big time. Laila tov I love you