Be Still & Shut up

I went live on TikTok and didn’t have a panic attack lol. I’m proud of me bc y’all know this is not something I wanted to do. The business, yes. The books, yes, I want people to learn. Me speaking … had to think about this … I knew it was on the agenda but didn’t know it was going to be so hard for me to go through with. It takes sooo much dedication, isolation, and love to do any of this. Plus, I don’t want any blood on my hands and I’ve been told that. I can’t have that! I ain’t going back bc I wouldn’t tell! Bet that!

I cannot believe the followers Jesus has sent in less than a week. He told me to look at how many followers I had Monday at 5pm, I did; 7308. It has been that number for a year and 10 mths, that’s when I joined TikTok. With all the platforms He has me share to there are now approximately 30k family members. That is incredible!! There are 21k on TikTok alone … I’m stunned at this. I’m a small town chick from Arkansas.

I am getting testimonies from the prayers! I LOVE this part! I am getting used to the videos and I absolutely love the people on TikTok. They are full of Jesus, ok, well, mostly. Of course I have some followers that don’t believe but I’m planting seeds and those seeds prayerfully stick.

I am soooo thankful He didn’t do this to me when I first started. That is when He told me about it tho and it freaked me out so bad I didn’t want it. If it would have been this many to begin with I would have ran, prolly at full speed, right back in my cave. I don’t think my cave experience was too terrible. I mean it could have been worse. The wait and learning to trust was the hardest. Spending all this time with Him is a bonus and I’ll stay isolated for Him and His presence! Content.

I was really worried about small self – ahhh- Ann, coming out on someone that crossed me. Someone did tell me to stop talking and answer questions tonight and I think I handled it quite well. Come on, we know old me. Some of y’all know Ann haha … it’s a daily job and when I feel her I have to go off by myself to see what is up. She can reek some kind of havoc. I love her but she’s hot headed! I could feel my heart trying to rise up and I was having to tell it “baby girl, we got this … let’s see what they got!” So, that is what we did. And!! And, I was able to answer the last question and go back to conversation without missing a beat. I am proud bc we all know about me being a TBI survivor. I never know about this brain of mine. I did lose where I was once but a girl reminded me. So grateful for her! Thank You Jesus.

The best part of my day was my babies coming over after school and me getting to see those smiles. I love those faces! During the week the isolation is ok… everyone works. This is what I consider my job so I work like everyone else. The pay ain’t so bad either. He takes care of me! I have not lacked one good thing. The weekends get a little lonely but I try to stay busy.

I have learned so much about me. She’s picky. She’s high maintenance and she’s expensive lol … Jesus told me that today. I said.. you knew that when you got me haha He laughed too.
I knew about a full conversation and that a certain person was at work before it happened today and I was told exactly what to say. It was so cool. Yesterday I could hear Him talking in my head and then it started coming out of my mouth. He didn’t have to tell me I just said it. It was pretty cool.

I had one person say they were jealous. Never be bc this isn’t just for me. Everyone is anointed to do something and we were all commissioned. EVERYONE! I went hard and locked myself up to get to where I am. How bad do you want Him? That’s what He asked me so I ask you…

This is for everyone that has been leaning in to Jesus. We all went up in the shift. Everyone is in some stage of their process of becoming all they were born to be. Esther 4:14
And if you quit He will find someone else to do your job! Read the whole verse. It isn’t just about being born for such a time as this. However, you were born for what He has told you or He would have never told you!

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Your heart is His. You’ve learned how to rest in His love and recharge! Praise The Lord!
You’ve learned to be content in every season.
You trust Him.
You’ve learned so much in the wait and in the valley. Most importantly you learned how to trust and wait.
congratulations!! You’re walking straight on the path that leads you to everything He has for you. It will locate you now!
Yay! Congratulations!!

Psalm 131, Psalm 122, SS 4.
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Psalm 121 TPT. I am not gonna lie I have been terrified to do this and tell people I went to hell. That is not something I wanted anyone to know ever. Mine and God’s secret 😂 I’m laughing at myself bc I don’t have any secrets.. I have told on myself to the greatest ability of my brain. If I missed anything show me! Search me, know me and my ways. There is no wicked in me.

I needed Psalm 121 today. He always knows what I need. He has my back and He has got yours!!

There has been a cease fire over your life ordered! Thank You Daddy!

I am in my bed at noon not feeling 100%, something has been up w my tummy since 0200. I did get up and take communion and my belly felt better. I am healed! In the name of Jesus!
I don’t feel bad. I don’t hurt. I just feel like I need to rest, so I am.

Ever had people try to make you feel bad, guilty, worthless for laying in bed because you don’t feel good? I have too, but I don’t feel like that anymore and you should never allow others to make you feel that way either! Romans 8:1

Me not feeling good and needing to lay down would cause me great anxiety and distress bc internally I’d be fighting to help myself while at the same time trying not to disappoint others. It was exhausting and I’m doing me now! I was so afraid someone wouldnt love me if they knew how broken I really was on the inside, not just the injuries but in the inside of me. We have to live inside out. All the love you’ll ever need is on the inside of you! The people pleasing part of me died! 😜 I love me and Jesus loves me!

These days never happen bc I do not ever feel like I’m not at a party – unless it’s bedtime. I love the energy, strength and stamina. It’s superhuman and I have heard the noises my belly has made but no pain. It’s like I’m witnessing my body fight a stomach virus but I am not feeling it. Communion helped!helped sooo much the noises have stopped.

Take the day!
Take it bc you can!
Take it bc you don’t feel good.
Take it bc you feel great!
Take the day!!
Sometimes we need to reset and take the day!

I’d rather get up and dance. It feels like it takes way more energy to make myself be still.

Nope can’t do it. Going to take communion again and then outside to sit in the grass…
Stop
Gotcha! It’s a be still kind of afternoon.

I knew there was something You wanted me to see! I don’t ever feel bad but when I do I know something is up. Thanks for all the time I get to tabernacle with You!

Not sure what He’s got planned but I’m just gonna chill in my bed talking to Jesus for the rest of the afternoon.

A strong spirit will sustain a man. Proverbs 18:14

Y’all, I have some exciting news. Jesus has been preparing my heart bc I was terrified and it happened. Everyone always wants to go viral and I really didn’t care to. I had someone come up to me and ask me if I was the girl from Facebook and if my name was Melissa. I don’t even ask folks to share. 😳🥰 warmed my heart. I did not ask for any of this but if I can help Him and the Kingdom I’m all in. You better believe I’m all in!
Ya girl went viral on TikTok and I have 10k followers, that is just amazing for a small town chick from Arkansas! Look at Jesus!

My highest weight, without being pregnant, was 178 pounds. I couldn’t believe it when I got on those scales. I was sick w myself. I had been eating fear! I had been eating my emotions and this was new to me. I have always been on the anorexic side of the weight thing… shocker! Bodies and people change! I’m living proof!

When I started this process w Yahweh I was at 178 and still gorgeous but my body, in all the brokenness it experience in the wreck couldn’t carry the weight, I hurt! It had to come off. I had to make some changes.

The first thing I did was tell God- ok! I moved and started living right bc I was living in sin, again! At one time I wanted to marry the guy I was living with but God said no, absolutely not. I froze in my tracks… what was I missing? Instructions bc I was messing up again!! It’s so easy to turn back to old habits. I praise Yeshua that He helped me break those! We are creatures of habit.

This is how it all started. I’ve never come out about this! There are so many things I didn’t want to be transparent about but He picks. What I went through wasn’t just for me.

Trust me when I tell you that if you’re living with a man you’re not married to it’s wrong! You need to get married or move. It’s really that simple.

Ok, so back to the weight thing. I know most women won’t tell you what they weigh but I don’t care. I’m at 139 right now and I’m gonna tell you what I did.

I chose Jesus. I know right, simple huh? Got snatched by the Holy Spirit 😂 I followed His direction and He taught me about my body and my authority.

Did you know you can set a goal and accomplish it with your mind? I told myself that my metabolism reset itself to former youth, 16 to be exact, and I told myself that I weighed 136 pounds. I’m 3 pounds away!!