Be Still & Shut up

It has been very hard for me to open up and let people get to know the real me. I was so afraid if people saw my heart they would see too much. This heart He created is so precious and pure. I am still shook about what He has done and He did it to me!

I dont care what people think about me, and I wasn’t made or brought back to be silent!! I can’t help people if they don’t know me. I want to help people and it has become a desire of my heart. I want people free and healed and that is my job. Y’all I saw a blister disappear!! Like absolutely zero evidence of it. This is just the beginning! When He trusts you in the little- I gotta get that verse.

People are so hateful and think they are justified. I got a hate message today about me purposely going on a medication to quit smoking, and that ibuprofen is poison, idk if it is or not and I don’t mind being educated, I’m not closed minded. I’ll try new things but trying to make me come into agreement with condemnation won’t work. I laughed! And I was cussed 🙄

I want to quit and I want it bad enough to put some action to it. Faith wo works… I’m putting works to my faith of only having to take this for a very short time and it’ll work. It was quite humbling going in and seeing someone I don’t know and telling them I don’t want this and I need help. And I don’t have to explain myself but I don’t ever want anyone to think less of themselves for needing and/or asking for help. We are here to help each other.

I have had a hard time asking for help, and I have to work on this a whole lot still, bc people make you feel less than for not doing it their way, or stupid for asking. When I say brain injury did a number on me I’m not kidding. It made me doubt everything about myself, even my looks and I’m not sure how that was even possible 😜 Jesus had to completely rebuild my heart and it’s not only hard asking for help but this put a huge damper in my trust for people. I don’t. I was exposed to truth with TBI. I don’t trust people until God gives me the ok. I don’t tell anyone anything that I can’t trust. If I don’t want it to go in the newspaper I don’t tell anyone! He’s had to expose and I’m grateful! Even when He tells me I can trust that person it takes me a minute to warm up to someone. I have to discern them and any motives that may be hidden, especially if I didn’t know they were coming. If you see the real me the first time you used to be privileged but now everyone is gonna see.

I have not really wanted this bc it really puts me out there and the first time I let people in on something very personal this happens. Tell me the devil ain’t throwing in a last ditch effort to shut this down…. Hahaha jokes on you! 😂🙏 And this is why I put my trust in the Father. Psalm 20

I have to trust Him bc I have already had a dose of persecution. TBI has to count in that! Jail! Hate mail! Rejoice when you are persecuted… still learning this one. I’m getting pretty good at it actually and this made me realize it. This is a win for me bc the response that I gave was blunt, to the point, kind, truth, and done in love. If you know old me you know that is a win! I asked her what was really bothering her bc she didn’t see what that post was about at all. Whatever she thought she saw between the lines wasn’t about me. Idk who or what pissed in her Cheerios but I didn’t do anything. I’ve learned to not take things personally. Maybe she meant it, maybe something else was underlying idk and it doesn’t matter to me.

condemnation and offense … Does anyone else or is it just me? Did I miss anything? Doesn’t matter we are gonna take care of this right now!

Offense
Condemnation and any other lurking demon be gone now in the name of Jesus. I’m not putting up with this crap! I know who my real enemy is!! You cannot retaliate and If you try and come again the angels of Gods army will deal with you! I have been given permission by Yahweh to operate in His courts and you got to go!! There is no legal right … Jesus took it all and we plead the blood! we may have been ignorant but we aren’t anymore- goodbye!

I went to the doctor this morning for refills and I started Chantix today! I hate smoking and it has got to go! I’m not afraid to say I needed help w this! Have I tried to do this alone? Yes! Cold Turkey? Yes! With Jesus? Yes! I’ve begged Him to take this and I know He can and would in His timing but this is something I want now. I would always resort back to smoking, 🙄 I know, I don’t want to smoke anymore. I hate it! I hate the smell! I hate the thought of me being addicted to something- it’s gotta go! I’m a whatever it takes person and if I need help I’m asking for it. I got it! To the end of smoking and a new chapter! 💃🎈🎉

I also got my ibuprofen refilled. 800mg ibuprofen is a wonder drug and prolly the best medicine on the market. It is not the same to take 4 200mg you gotta have the prescribed dosage of 800mg. Idk why and I truly don’t care why it works so well, other than it’s an NSAID and 85% of our aches and pains are from inflammation from our diets. I like bread, occasionally, and when I want it I know I’m gonna need something to help me. The inflammation makes me hurt, so, I take the pill!

I also got a refill for Claritin D bc it is the best thing I have found for my sinus cavities. They were broke in the wreck, according to CT they are great, but they drain a lot, I mean atmospheric pressure and I’m feeling it in my sinus cavities- it’s kinda strange and I get a tooth ache when there is too much sinus pressure and congestion. My body has been something I’ve had to get to re-know. It doesn’t work exactly at factory settings but we are sooo close!! And the new default settings aren’t too bad they just took some getting used to!

The best part of the story is right here- When I got my meds filled and went in the pharmacy. They saw me right after I got out of the MED so I got some amazing looks of awe! They were in awe of what Jesus has accomplished when it comes to my healing. We all knew it was going to be a LONG road. I haven’t been in there in over a year! That’s how long it’s been since I came off ALLL the meds (even the one for the SCI) I’m not against science or medicine -that would be just ignorant. I’m so eternally grateful to God and I got to share that in the pharmacy. Mr. Gene just looked at me in amazement w a priceless smile, I think He is amazed by Jesus too! I should not be alive let alone standing and in the shape I’m in IT’S ALL YAHWEH!! To God be ALL the glory!! He had to perform a miracle for me to exist! My God at the love I have for You!

I’ve been standing on the Word God spoke over me for 9 years! He has spoken the exact same words over you! Be ye healed My child!

I’ve been trying to keep everyone updated on this process and me coming out of this cave. I am out!! I am out of the cave and comfortable with this new person Jesus has created.

This week started out great. I went and looked at a house where I want to put my coffee bar. I am in love with the architecture and the location is just perfect. There could be a few downsides but I’m trying to put this into a different perspective. I get to redo the house the way I want it. It needs a whole lot of work but it will be beautiful. I have a contractor going back with me to let me know approximately what all we need to do to get it open. This is gonna be so much work but I’m about to jump and there ain’t no water in my pool. God will have to catch me!!

My cousin and I were headed to get lunch and the physical address of the house so I could do some research on it, when my best friend calls and I know something is wrong as soon as I hear “Mel,” she didn’t need to say much more but when she started talking I almost hit my knees. I had ran in dollar general for toilet paper. When she told me one of our kids shot themself I wanted to throw up. Our families have always been around each other. We’ve been friends for 33 years. My family is hers, hers is mine, hence our children. It took all the strength, courage, and pure determination I could muster to check out and get back to my truck. I was so sick and my energy was so jacked up my cousin was feeling my emotions.

I had been up at 0100 two days in a row being told to pray. I knew something was coming and that feeling of doom; I felt a few times but tried my best to shove it away. I warred bc of this feeling, I had no idea what was up. This I went in blind on, I had no advance notice. My heart sank, was broken and in pure dismay, for the other half of my family all in a matter of seconds.

I was really holding the faith, and praying he would make it. I wanted updates and they weren’t coming. I wanted to know about his brain. I had to send out a text for reinforcements. I never ask anyone for prayers but on this I had to have backup and cover. That was my prayer today, send someone to cover me Daddy, I’m at a loss. He did!! He sent me a bunch of love and help and I have a prayer warrior that locked herself up with Jesus for me and that is love! I love who He has put in my life to no limits! They are proof of His love!

The peace that walked back into my heart tonight is priceless. I allowed myself to feel all of this. I’ve walked in this nightmare before, 24 years ago, and it wasn’t any easier doing it again. This will never get easy!! Losing our loved ones is never easy, especially when they’re young. I know where Jake went and Who he is getting to hang out with. I know he has no more pain or feeling less than. He is surrounded by pure love and that gives me peace. Knowing his daddy here has peace sure gives me more of it as well. I was worried about my friends. I was worried about my family. I am not worried any longer, bc I see Jesus answering prayers concerning this situation and I praise Him for that!

👑 Crowning! 👑
👑 Crowning! 👑
👑 Crowning! 👑

This morning during fourth watch prayer and worship I saw a baby about to be birthed, I could see the woman in the stirrups and the head crowning. I was getting the ice chips ready and we never gave those until after delivery so this is now! This is most exciting when giving birth bc you’re about to meet the person that you’ve waited 9 months on. The pressure, pain and excitement motivates a woman to keep pushing, and has prolly been felt no matter what promise you’re waiting on! Patience had to be learned! Faith has been tested! But you, you passed! 🏆

There was a post a little while back about being in the birthing room, and you’ve been in there for a bit but know this – not much longer! This is gonna be so quick, but you know that and you’re ready and prepared.

These kingdom marriages are about to be birthed, and many other promises!, He is not a man that should lie! If this is your season for Kingdom marriage you’ll know and it’s about to supernaturally take place. This is an assignment as much as it is for y’all’s happiness. This man/woman will be so worth the wait! Jesus promised!

And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said:
“This is now bone of my bones
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man.” Gen 1:21-23
☝️ standing on these verses? This is for you!! If you’re not and you want to be married I encourage you to start praying these verses over your life. Gods word doesn’t return void!

Two become one! Keep standing! 🤴👰‍♀️❤️ It is almost here!

💕 CONGRATULATIONS!! 💕

I had so much fun yesterday hanging out w the friends God has put in my life! They are such beautiful souls w a personality that matches all my crazy 😜

Last night I went w Ally to listen to Henry’s band play a few songs! I saw members of the band that I have not seen since my wreck, and met some new additions. We danced, laughed and did not drink! This is a big deal for me bc I’ve only walked into a few bars in my life where I didn’t drink. There was a time in my past life that I really liked to drink, and this wouldn’t have been possible. This time it was not even a temptation and I’m so celebrating a win!!

God has talked to me about where He is sending His people and bars was one of those places. I never in a million thought one of those that would go to the bars would be me. They all know I died and that Jesus saved me. It was pretty cool!

I love people so much and you’ll never see any judgement from me. Will you hear about Jesus? Yep! And it doesn’t matter where we are. This is so exciting!

You see when someone drinks they are usually self medicating a hurt. Not always but 99% of the time. I know this because I did it. I don’t have to self medicate anymore and it feels good! I self medicated for 20 years. Brokeness in the soul and in the heart will make a person change into someone they don’t want to be!

My Ally is in recovery and I’m so extremely proud of her. God delivered her from the spirit of addiction 🙌🙌🙌 We are both sober, I think for the first time in our 33 year friendship. This is a HUGE win!!

I love this photo bc I was so laughing at myself! When you can laugh at yourself you are forever entertained! We celebrated our wins talking and loving on each other’s souls on the way home! Your words are either medicine or poison – you pick.

Praise The Lord !! 🙏🙌❤️