Be Still & Shut up

Two days ago Holy Spirit brought Mark 8 to my attention. This is when Jesus prayed twice for a blind man to receive His sight. Why did Jesus do this twice? We know He is God so why? I am still not sure but there are many theories that He was teaching the disciples about them still not being able to see who He was when He was right there with them. Is this all it means? I am not so sure. Why would He bring this to my attention when I had just stepped out in faith to pray for someone that doctors say is terminal?

I stepped out in faith not too long ago and my natural brain, my nurse brain too, tried to hinder this. How can someone on hospice be healed by God? Well, let me tell ya because He is God. He can do whatever He wants when He wants He just needs a submitted body to get it done. I would have never went and prayed over this man. I will be honest but I was sent. Did I know exactly what will happen? No, but I can believe because of what Jesus did for me.

About a week after I went and prayed I got a message on facebook from this persons niece. She thanked me for going and praying with him and said, “I will never underestimate the power of the Holy Spirit.” That message made me cry tears of joy. This person isn’t having to take as much pain medicine. They are sleeping in perfect peace. They ate after I had been there and then they began to decline. A few days after this message is when Mark 8 was brought to my attention. Maybe Jesus was teaching us that we need to pray more than once for someone’s total healing. I am not sure but I went back yesterday.

While there I felt God’s presence with us. We all felt Him. We were crying and the man was at perfect peace. He was joking and laughing with me and we talked about eating a steak. I do not eat meat, very often, and maybe it wasn’t me that wanted a steak but him. I heard a prophetic word last night that God is proud of you for stepping out in faith. He will meet you where you stepped out. He will not let you down. I asked and am believing for the person’s total healing. Am I crazy? Perhaps, but I know what God is capable of and I believe everything in His Word and what He has told me. Why would He tell me to go back if there wasn’t reason for it? Maybe it was just for peace, I do not know but I went and I am glad I did no matter what happens. In my past life when I was a nurse I refused to give people false hope. I did not know Jesus then or what He was capable of with a body. I will forever be His body and His hands when He needs them. Sometimes my natural mind needs a little help and I believe that is why He brought that story into my remembrance. I have the faith that it takes. It is not me but Him and I trust Him. Getting my trust here and learning to step out in faith was not easy so for everyone that thinks any of this is easy- it isn’t but it is joyous. Joy and peace that I cannot explain. So much of it I could and do cry in prayer a lot. I was never a person that cried I felt it made me weak. I am not weak I just, well, I finally have heart.

Jesus healed because of His compassion. I have great compassion because I have lived it. I watched the man that raised me, my grandpa, die of cancer. I watched him suffer. I would have given him one of my lungs and offered but he wouldn’t take it. I was 22 when I lost him. I lost my husband that same year. I do not want to see another suffer these losses. I have walked in their shoes. The grief that this pain caused was unbearable. I was broken for so long but I am not broken any longer and now I want them all healed. I believe when we die we should be able to just go to sleep and allow our spirit to go be with the Lord. It is not His will for any of His children to suffer and God does not put illness on us as punishment. Religion has taught us that and it is a lie! Bible says it is His will for ALL to be healed! Sometimes our healing is not on this side of the realms but with Him. Either way I stepped out in faith and I trust Him to make it all peaceful. He has me fully persuaded and if I have to step out in faith daily and look completely nuts I am ok with that. I am sure they thought Jesus was nuts too but then they saw ! He came, He saw, He did and He conquered!!! He healed them ALL!! I still believe He can and will.

He has told me in the past if someone was going to make it or not and He did with this person as well. I know we all will go to sleep and wake up with Jesus at some point in our lives but why cant we go with total peace? I believe we can. I will continue to stand flat footed in my faith until the end of my own life. I will look and sound crazy to some and I am perfectly fine with that. If He sends me to pray I will go. If He tells me to speak I will. I will do what He says when He says. I vow myself (my ALL) to Him. Y’all are witnesses. I cannot think of anything I want more out of what He has promised me than this healing mission we are embarking on. Step out in faith. God will meet you. You aren’t the one doing it anyway. it is all Him! You gotta know what you know because of Who you know! Trust Him. All things are possible to those that believe. ALL THINGS!! ALL!! I love that word! Love it! He will not let you down!

Here is what I have learned through it all, Don’t give up; don’t be impatient; be entwined as one with the Lord. Be brave and courageous, and never lose hope. Yes, keep on waiting — for He will never disappoint you. Psalm 27:14 TPT

Fearless faith! Crazy faith! Faith that prevails! FAITH IN ALL!! Faith that whatever I ask He will do, especially when it is according to His will. Healing IS His will!

I love children. I love their purity and how they believe what you tell them. Why dont we? Why dont we believe what God says? When He speaks something to us about our future why dont we believe Him the first time He says it? We expect children to do what we say when we say it, God expects the same thing. We often delay our own progress for lack of faith.

I have five granddaughters and once every week I go have dinner with my children to hang out with them and to see my baby girls. They are the apple of my eye. Have you ever noticed how children forgive everything and do not hold grudges? We are supposed to be like this. Their hearts are just so beautiful. Their love and forgiveness unlocks so much in me just watching them. The love they show when running up to me increases my heart capacity each and every time I see them. They are tender ages and one is about to be 9, one is 7, one is 5, and I have two that will be 3 this year.

Children get their feelings hurt, they get corrected, they cry and then it is over. We could take lessons at times from these babes. We get our feelings hurt, we get corrected, and we cry but often we try and cling to what hurt us. Children are so beautiful in how they forgive. I praise God for this because we mess up as parents and as grandparents. We all mess up. It is human nature to mess up but we often hang on to what messes us up. We want to hold grudges and that makes us plant seeds of anger inside our hearts and minds. Everything is a seed. We need to plant more forgiveness. One thing for sure God taught me when I was healing my heart was that if I was holding onto anything from my past and using it as ammunition against that person I had not gotten over it. There is where we could definitely take lessons from children. They do not hold on to junk and the let it go immediately. They understand the term unconditional love. They know how to show it in their hugs. They let it go. They take correction and then move on. We like to sit and sulk. Why? Why do we do that? We are not hurting anyone but ourselves. That person that hurt us is not losing any sleep over their actions. Most of the time they do not think they did anything wrong. We sure cannot fix stupid. Sometimes we have to forgive people for just being stupid. I know I have had to forgive someone for their own ignorance. Then I had to forgive my own ignorance for ever being around them as long as I was. We take it and take it and take it and expect people to be like us when they are not! We must stop expecting others to be us. Dont forget everyone is you removed. Stop expecting you from others.

If you are holding a grudge and are finding someone’s actions hard to forgive make the concision decision to forgive them. There are a few people I found it next to impossible to forgive what they had done to me so I understand how hard this can be. It is really a decision on your part. I walked 10 miles one day saying, “I forgive, I forgive.” I was not ending that walk until my heart felt better and I no longer wanted to slit their throat. It took ten miles to accomplish this but it can be done. Was it easy? I think the ten miles speaks for itself. No! No is was not easy moving past some of the junk done to me by one person. That ten miles was literally one person. Actions so inhuman that I figured out they were under demonic influence to hurt me and move me further from God. God had been on me about my enemy not being flesh and blood but trying to forgive some things that are just vile was hard. Once He showed me how much demonic presence was around this person it made it a lot easier to forgive. What is so sad is that “Christians” will hurt you the most out of everyone. Why do they do that? Why? Because they do not understand God. They do not understand the principle of reaping what you sow. Or they just don’t really care and they are a fraud. Either way when we hang on to this hurt in our hearts it pollutes us. I makes us feel differently about ourselves and that is the devils job through these people. To make us begin to hate ourselves and put up with bad actions around us because we do not think we are worthy of better. See what demonic presence can do? It pollutes our hearts and our minds. When we cannot forgive we are no better than the person that was vile towards us. When we cannot forgive we are not forgiven. When I finally got that I learned to forgive like a child but be wise and move away from them so they couldn’t hurt me anymore.

There are people sent into your path that are only meant to deter you. It takes us really pondering on these things and those actions to discern what is going on. Messengers of satan are all around. Discern what comes out of someone’s mouth and you will catch their motives much quicker. People that lie all the time are agents of satan and they do not even realize it. When we lie one time we are giving demons access to our lives and they will hit when they get good and ready. I can tell some people this until I am blue in the face and the next sentence out of their mouth is a lie. I would rather be in a shoot out than be lied to. At least then I can see my enemy. People that throw blame are handing satan their authority. This is why we cannot blame but accept our responsibility in everything. There are a lot of times that my own ignorance has caused things to happen to me and I accept that role. I was ignorant but I am not anymore and I will not tolerate it anymore.

Even little white lies give demons a door into our lives. I will give you an example. Last night i was kidding with my granddaughter about my age. She was asking how old she would be on her next birthday and I told her if she couldn’t count that high we couldn’t allow her to turn a year older and she would have to wait until the next year to go up in age. I didnt want her to get any older than she already was so we could just stop having birthdays like Grami did because I forgot to count higher than 29. Yes, it is a little funny but demons dont joke. They hear everything we say and if we do not retract idle words or ask for forgiveness they can tear a hole in our hedge that God places around us with our mouths. See how some of it is not anything other than ourselves setting ourselves us for disaster. Do I still think it is funny? Yeah.. but that doesnt mean I haven’t retracted the idle words and made sure she knew what was after 5.

Once you know you cannot un-know and then more is expected of you. Ahhh, that spirit world will get us because of our own ignorance Hos 4:6. Dont be ignorant to satans devices anymore.

Father, we come to You in the Mighty name of Jesus, we give you honor, praise and the highest esteem. You are worthy of our praise. We come asking you to forgive us of all idle words we have spoken. We stand in forgiveness and forgive everyone that has hurt us, lied to us, and spoken negative things over us. Rewrite us in our hearts and minds. We cancel all the word curses that have been trying to sit inside of our minds that work against us. We retract any and all idle words we have spoken and ask You to forgive us of any lies that we have told, even if we do not remember them. Forgive us Daddy. Thank You for Your beautiful mercy and grace fountains that we can walk through. O, how we love You. Thank You! We now rejoice and come into agreement with what You say about us and our lives. Quicken us with the Holy Spirit so we move when You say. Quicken us so we do what You say when You say. Forgive us for our dead works. Forgive us for our stupidity and bring us into complete alignment with Your beautiful Spirit. Amen!

All of His answers are yes and amen! Whatever you’re believing Him for will happen in due season. Step out in faith He will not ever let you down. Fear will try and trap you into your current situation as well. Fear is a spirit He did not give us. Please tell me by now you believe in that unseen world (the spirit realm). Move at the speed of the Holy Spirit because this season is all hands on deck! All the believers are about to make a huge difference in many lives. When we move when He says we are answering someone else’s prayers as He lives through us. He is your ultimate guide. Be obedient no matter how crazy you may feel.

I am not sure if I am under attack, usually I can tell w certainty, but with this one I am not sure. Yesterday and today I have, umm, there is no way to say this except to come right and say it. I have wanted to have sex. I am human and I really think it is my flash because now that I have gone through some steps to make it go away I am sure my flesh was attacking me. Crucifying the flesh is some hard work.

So, I knew something was going on when I woke up feeling different. I felt like everything was glorious and I had leveled up. I slept longer than I have in years, and people that know me know I have zero issues sleeping. I could prolly sleep under a bridge, zero issues sleeping. However, to sleep that long was odd. I have survived off of 4-5 hours a night for 28 years but the past week I have been sleeping later than normal. I was always up at 5 and to sleep until 7-8 is odd, I am by no means complaining though. It was nice. Like I said before when I want to eat I know something is up because I usually fast about every other day or a few days a week. I am not sure why but when Holy Spirit says fast, I obey. I woke up in a state of love. Like total bliss as spoken about in 2 Cor 5:13 TPT. This is amazing! The off thing is that I do not think about sex, like ever, so when I did it was weird. I am not sure why that desire has just re-emerged unless I am fully fighting my flesh. That doesnt really make any sense though because I have not desired sex, that act of sex, in a long while. For me to want it threw me for a loop. Y’all can laugh at me. I have been laughing at myself all day 😉 still not sure if it was an attack or dopamine levels, hahahaha

I called my shrink nurse practitioner. She’s not technically my shrink but my sister, my bff, and today I needed her brain power. We figured out that my vibration went up and how to cure it. I didn’t really want to cure it, and make myself go into a lower vibrational state, but make that desire go away or trick my brain into thinking it had already built a snowman.. yes, code for sex.. anyway, she told me to take a cold shower and to exercise. I did not take a cold shower but I did make a bowl of ice water and stuck my face in it. Desire subsided a tad but not enough. Then I kick boxed for 30 mins… ahhhh, desire completely gone. Exercise releases endorphins, endorphins trick the brain. Endorphins make a person happy. Happy people dont kill anyone (themselves by having sex). This is a win folks! A total win!! Still have not smoked and have been conquering things left and right this week. We are all leveling up. Love is the highest vibration we can get to. Our only commandments left to us by Jesus was to love.. love God and love our neighbors as ourselves. It was made a commandment for a reason.

Laugh, and learn to laugh at yourself. When we can we are forever entertained. Laughing is medicine says so in the Bible. Learn to laugh at everything! There is healing power in your laugh and it makes the enemy shake in his shoes. LAUGH!! You can laugh at me, I am perfectly ok with that. I passed! I won today! I want you to win so if my little crazy silly tricks work for me they will work for you. Enjoy your day! GO EXERCISE, stick ya head in some water, and laugh!

I am not new age with the vibration stuff but everything is energy. Meaning we too are a ball of energy. If we were trying to vibrate at the highest level when this process first started, before God taught us to love correctly- unconditionally, our natural bodies couldn’t tolerate it. I do not know anything about that new age stuff all I know is what God has taught me and for some reason He had me write this last paragraph. People have taken what God intended for us to know and used it in demonic fashions. They have. Twisted it. God created science and He created energy. Every disease trying to live in our bodies have their own vibration or energy level and when we vibrate at low energies it allows disease to live in our bodies. Cancer has its own and this has been proven by science. I am not sure who I am trying to convince but look it up. You will see I am right. Some cancers will even begin to die when a vibration is lifted inside the body. I do not know why, I am not sure anyone does but it works. If you want to raise your vibration – joy is the perfect way to start. Praise God.

We have all been rejected at some point in our lives. Last night I was on the phone with a friend and she gave me a little trick that she learned. We dont always practice these things until we find they are needed. Last night we both caught some feelings of rejection we needed to get rid of. Does it sound silly? Well, yes, but so does a lot of this to our natural minds. Just do it already!

I had a memory come up right before bed and used this little trick and found that it works. Rejection is a seed that gets implanted in us and will grow. This tree that stems out of us will produce fruit of fear, shame, addiction, anger, wrath etc.. all the fruits we do not want to see. When we break this at the root it cannot comeback. Let me tell you what we did.. this is hilarious how it works. So, reach into your heart. You cant physically put your hand inside your body but you can imagine it in there. Kinda like on “The Matrix” when Neo stuck his hand inside Trinity to remove the bullet that hit her heart. Once you have your hand inside your heart grab that seed of rejection, pain, doubt, fear.. whatever you need to get rid of and pull it out. Break it at the root. Now, throw it!! Throw it and tell it to be gone. Once you have done this you have to replace it. You have to replace it with love from God. You know He wants you whole and for you to bear lasting fruit of the spirit. Plant His love inside your heart. I cannot even believe this works but it does.

I had some pain from a seed of rejection planted in me many years ago that was removed last night. I knew I had forgiven that person, that situation, and that I had forgiven myself and any anger I may have had towards God for not doing that I felt needed to be done.. this let me know I needed to go a little further and dig even deeper into this rejection seed and cut it at the root. When Dawn told me about this little trick I was in a wow moment. This is no sillier than me using pillows to pretend Jesus is laying next to me when I sleep. Y’all, I slept 9 hours last night I cannot remember the last time I slept 9 hours. I fell like a new person, try it! Let me know! I am not mad. I am not hurt. I am at perfect peace with the situation and I love the person. I can love then with the love of Christ that lives in me. We know we are not at war with flesh and blood. We know people are not our enemy but the gross darkness surrounding them. In order for us to be pure in heart we gotta get rid of all the junk in our hearts and all lies that pollute our minds and heart. When you have something come up grab it, throw it away and replace it with the love of God. God speed and God bless!

Today I have been reading all day. It seems rather daunting at times doing nothing but reading. I did not even get out of my pajamas today because there were three books I had to finish. I am on the last one and it is a Kathryn Kuhlman book. I have been told to study her and Smith Wigglesworth because God has told me I will pick up where they left off. I am bawling coming out about that. I am so grateful. I do believe in miracles… mainly because I am one. I had never heard of these people until Jesus told me to learn about their ministries. I wasn’t raised in this environment and had no knowledge of either of them.

While I was reading these testimonies from these families that were healed I was crying, just nonstop crying. ALL WERE HEALED by Jesus and there were so many healed at these healing Svs. I began to tell Jesus I would give up everything He promised me in order for all of His people to be healed. You see, this was an important thing for me because I used to be selfish. I was! I would give it all up. He said, “you know you dont have to, right, kid?” I told Him I did know He was not that way but with my own free will I would. I would give it all up, the marriage coming, the homes, the businesses, the books.. all of it. And I would. I would give it all up to do His will. I want what God wants. What He wanted more than anything was for my character to be like His. He did it! He gave me a new heart and baptized me with His Spirit. He did it! He did it! He gave me His heart for His people. I am laughing now, at myself, because it sure took me long enough to get here. The heart of a healer. Oh, how I love Him. He is telling me I am ready now for all of it. ALL OF IT!!

It is 5:55 pm as I write this. This morning He was talking to me about numbers. The grace to heal. The heart to heal. HE DID IT!! I am so excited for God and since we all know He did this to me He can and wants to do it for everyone. He wants everyone healed, trust me on this. He does! If He didnt I wouldn’t be sitting here writing this. I wouldn’t be able to go skating with my grands. My neck was broken so badly there is a cage holding it together. I had to have another surgery four years after my wreck, I woke up paralyzed again. I have been skating several times with my babies. I have ran at the airport. I can kick-box again. I never thought I would be able to do these things again. In fact I was told I wouldnt be able to. Doctors and nurses do not know it all but Jesus does. As a nurse all of this was so hard for me to fathom. I have rocked babies while they were dying. If I had only knew then what I know now. I would have never lost a patient. I get that forgetting the past is difficult but it is part of moving into the new beginning God has planned for all of us.

As I sit and write this I get a text from a friend of a beautiful sunset. God is perfecting so many masterpieces. He is the best artist I have ever known. He is rewriting so many of our stories and I love that about HIm. Wont you let Him rewrite you? His love is the best thing I have ever experienced. I cannot even begin to put it into words. I am always in a good mood and get asked, are you always like this? Umm, yes, and full of energy. Sitting down to read three books today almost made me depressed haha I would rather be out and about talking, teaching, praying and healing. January and the beginning of this month reminds of me when I was writing my thesis.. those were not fun times haha but I do love learning about Jesus and His employees. I am so glad I finished the books. Whatever He tells you to do just do it. I cannot stress this enough.